.................x9
I know it has been a while since my last blog, and it seems a small mix of nostalgia and inspiration has lead me to search frivolously for my user name and password for the google blog. I have decided once again to indulge into my thoughts and share them, mainly for an audience of one...and indeed this person will know who I am talking about.
Since my last blog, time has flown, our environment has changed. New friends appear, old friends reappear, only to disappear again. I have moved house (twice), I have uprooted my urban philosophy and enlightened myself into a rural environment,I have enrolled in a new MSc course, I am now single, a disposition which I find somewhat untimely (as they always are), and unsavory. For all intensive purposes, with the exception of a few fixed constants, everything else has become a variable.
This leads me to the point and direction of the blog. Although I accept, and almost admit my life is in a state of flux. I find in same time my thoughts are many, they are very frequent (all too frequent), and interestingly...happy. A month ago, my thoughts were filled with a combination of doubt, self-confusion, fear, disillusionment, and discontent. Of which I must confess a lot was self-inflicted, now I see direction, despite the fact I cannot see around the corner, I know that whatever I face, it does not matter, I will be content.
My thoughts in recently times have become an intense series of questions about my future life, and where I will be, even by the end of this year, what do I really want in life? what is important for me? And perhaps often not considered by a lot of people is, regardless of what I want, and whats important, what is really good for someone. Whilst I indulge in such almost irrelevant and crystal balling, I find myself often reflecting on the opposite end of the spectrum, which surprisingly is not something I do often. I think of old memories I had, for all intensive purposes forgotten about.
Today I remembered two things, firstly I remembered a time, I had forgotten. It was when I was in Antigua, on a beach, the night before I met my dad for the first time. The events that followed had been so extreme, so imprinting on my mind I had almost entirely forgotten about, what I can only describe as an amazing day and night, somewhere so cliche, yet so beautiful, and so so calming. The second memory I remembered, involved the greatest combination of items one could possibly possess (although I admit this could easily be contestable)Drumstick bars, maltesers and golden eye. It was this memory that led me back here on this seemingly ordinary night, under seemingly ordinary circumstances.
I wanted to have a timely reminder, and as an important girl said to me once (para-phrased and with added rhetorical value) 'although I'm not around, it is not the time I spend with you that resonates, but the value in which I place, and the influence that a person has on you'. This is a truism, and one I hold dearly. A lot of people have influenced my life, in ways I thought unimaginable, in the matter of days, minutes, seconds even. By very nature, those people sit in a time and memory in my past, but they are not forgotten in present. I have learnt in recent times, that people are only important to you, if you believe they are important. Sounds stupid right? Well, no, the smallest most insignificant thing can be important to you, if you found it to be important. The value of something is the very value you put on it.
I have learnt that, and I feel that there are times whereby we should reflect and remind ourselves, that although our lives are different. Although we all walk different paths, often in self-interest, self-spontaneity and self-ignorance, that people, times and places should not be forgotten, and in fact they are not forgotten, but we take them forward along the way and they comfort us, they inspire us, and one day you will look back and say wow, 'look how far we have come! Yet how amazing that journey was, and thank you so much for being apart of that. A cliche phrase which I will never forget, and I am beginning to only understand is that 'it is not about the ends, but the journey'
So until next time...until we cross-paths again, which we unquestionably will, until anon
x9
Since my last blog, time has flown, our environment has changed. New friends appear, old friends reappear, only to disappear again. I have moved house (twice), I have uprooted my urban philosophy and enlightened myself into a rural environment,I have enrolled in a new MSc course, I am now single, a disposition which I find somewhat untimely (as they always are), and unsavory. For all intensive purposes, with the exception of a few fixed constants, everything else has become a variable.
This leads me to the point and direction of the blog. Although I accept, and almost admit my life is in a state of flux. I find in same time my thoughts are many, they are very frequent (all too frequent), and interestingly...happy. A month ago, my thoughts were filled with a combination of doubt, self-confusion, fear, disillusionment, and discontent. Of which I must confess a lot was self-inflicted, now I see direction, despite the fact I cannot see around the corner, I know that whatever I face, it does not matter, I will be content.
My thoughts in recently times have become an intense series of questions about my future life, and where I will be, even by the end of this year, what do I really want in life? what is important for me? And perhaps often not considered by a lot of people is, regardless of what I want, and whats important, what is really good for someone. Whilst I indulge in such almost irrelevant and crystal balling, I find myself often reflecting on the opposite end of the spectrum, which surprisingly is not something I do often. I think of old memories I had, for all intensive purposes forgotten about.
Today I remembered two things, firstly I remembered a time, I had forgotten. It was when I was in Antigua, on a beach, the night before I met my dad for the first time. The events that followed had been so extreme, so imprinting on my mind I had almost entirely forgotten about, what I can only describe as an amazing day and night, somewhere so cliche, yet so beautiful, and so so calming. The second memory I remembered, involved the greatest combination of items one could possibly possess (although I admit this could easily be contestable)Drumstick bars, maltesers and golden eye. It was this memory that led me back here on this seemingly ordinary night, under seemingly ordinary circumstances.
I wanted to have a timely reminder, and as an important girl said to me once (para-phrased and with added rhetorical value) 'although I'm not around, it is not the time I spend with you that resonates, but the value in which I place, and the influence that a person has on you'. This is a truism, and one I hold dearly. A lot of people have influenced my life, in ways I thought unimaginable, in the matter of days, minutes, seconds even. By very nature, those people sit in a time and memory in my past, but they are not forgotten in present. I have learnt in recent times, that people are only important to you, if you believe they are important. Sounds stupid right? Well, no, the smallest most insignificant thing can be important to you, if you found it to be important. The value of something is the very value you put on it.
I have learnt that, and I feel that there are times whereby we should reflect and remind ourselves, that although our lives are different. Although we all walk different paths, often in self-interest, self-spontaneity and self-ignorance, that people, times and places should not be forgotten, and in fact they are not forgotten, but we take them forward along the way and they comfort us, they inspire us, and one day you will look back and say wow, 'look how far we have come! Yet how amazing that journey was, and thank you so much for being apart of that. A cliche phrase which I will never forget, and I am beginning to only understand is that 'it is not about the ends, but the journey'
So until next time...until we cross-paths again, which we unquestionably will, until anon
x9
If I'm not your audience of one I will kick your ass.
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