Valentineophobia & 'Cross-Pathing'

As we stand in the shadow of the impending St Valentines day, I write this blog for the romantics and the singletons out there. The later section is particularly written for those who are single because 'they have not found the right person' and admirably continue to do so...

OK, geeky little research background to valentines day that you might find a little interesting:

Valentines day, typically celebrated on the 14th February every year, around the Roman celebration of Lupercalia. Supposedly Valentines days origins go back to the Roman Empire, often cited around the reign of Claudias II. Claudius postulated that men that were single, were better soldiers if they did not marry, and thus marriage was frowned upon. The emperor found out that Saint Valentine was secretly helping young men and women in getting married, and sentenced Saint Valentine to death (bloody valentine indeed). Whilst in jail he gave his heart to the daughter of jailor and he wrote her a love note and ended it by writing " from your valentine". (not your typical commercialised card you might send today huh? Perhaps your next valentine is in fact writing from a cell)

Rather amusingly from my brief, yet sad, research I came across these gems which you might enjoy; below is a list of so-called phobias that one might experience around the practice of love, and which maybe especially symptomatic around valentines day:

* Ereuthrophobia - Fear of blushing
* Anthrophobia or Anthophobia - Fear of flowers.
* Obligaphobia - Fear of commitment. (genius)
* Zelophobia - Fear of jealousy.
* Philophobia - Fear of falling in love or being in love.
* Gamophobia - Fear of marriage. (anyone else read this as 'gameoverphobia')
* Philemaphobia or Philematophobia - Fear of kissing.
* Erotophobia - Fear of physical love.
* Hedonophobia - Fear of any kind of pleasure or having fun. (from Hedonism)
* Haphephobia - Fear of touching or being touched.
* Gynophobia - Fear of girls.
* Androphobia - Fear of men.

So, why the little history lesson, and why the psycho-analysis Dr Freud? Well, firstly I wanted to open you up to the idea that in fact valentines day not only has a rather grim and bloody (literally) origins (as do a lot of rituals if you think about it), and secondly that particularly if your likely to be alone on valentines day, at least you can laugh at the prospect that someone else, perhaps even in a relationship, might be experiencing a condition of which induces psychological and pathological episodes of fear, panic and unease (amusing thought, no?).

OK, by now I appreciate these sound like the words of a man who is most certainly spending valentines in his larry(or tod if you prefer), which is true. But like everything in life, I feel one should put a positive spin on anything, so... as I mentioned at the start, here is that very positive spin for the singletons. It begins with a quote from a truly remarkable episode I recently watched. It is quite literally a copy and paste from something I heard recently which really touched me in a girlie, lets get the ice cream, chocolate and tissues sort of way. I am a romantic, and the three girls I have dated over the years have all been extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary, even perhaps if I never really said it enough. So here goes:

"Stella then tells Ted how she once talked her way out of a speeding ticket. She was doing 90 on a country road, when a cop pulled her over and said, "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." Stella says she apologized to him. "I'm so sorry, officer -- I got here as fast as I could."

Ted laughs and says, "Really?" No, you doofus, it was joke, but Stella's point remains... Whoever "the one" for Ted is, she's out there, and she's on her way, and she's getting there "as fast as she can".

(How I met your mother series 4 episode 23 (Original Airdate: 11th May 2009))

When I heard this, I felt touched. Truly touched, and it is something that I wanted to share with the world. Hence the blog. Positivism should be shared, and when something or someone feels that something or someone is important or note worthy they should share it with people (nb: a case for every1 to start blogging, and also ironically one for every1 to send the one they like or love a valentine reminder that, that is the case).

I find it beautiful, beautiful imagery that indeed everyone has a person out there for them, and the fact that our lives all work and function independent of each other. I see life like a huge connection of roads all interweaving, interlinking, and crossing. I wrote and wrote about this idea when I was about 16. I called it 'cross-pathing'. I love the idea that we all have our own roads, and it is only a matter of time and circumstance that eventually we will cross-paths with someone.It is then we all make decisions, some huge, some minor, as to the relationship and closeness of those paths. If we choose to be friends, we occasionally cross. If we choose a relationship with another we effectively walk the same paths. If we split, as do our roads. Nice idea, no? Simple.

'As fast as she can', plays nicely into this in that not only is the likelyhood of you as a singleton, or a romantic to find that one person is actually nothing more than an inevitability rather than probability, but also there is this idea that in fact no matter what you do...there will be a time and a place for it. The time for things to go your way, and the time for you to effective walk the same paths will come. You cannot and should not try to hurry it. I think all too often we do that. We stay with people because we want to essentially 'fast-track' something that we should organically let happen. When really we should fall in and out of relationships like we do motorways, or sideroads. I know that one day, I will walk the same road as someone else, and I also know that, that girl of which I do walk hand in hand with, will be a truly remarkable woman. An amazing woman. I would love to follow that up with a common phrase of '...and I cant wait for it', but that is exactly it! You can, and you should. So for those on the highway hand in hand, and those who perhaps feel at times there path is long, lonely and narrow. Just remember that in fact that one person out there, is exactly that. They are out there, and they are coming as fast as they can, and do not threat as they will come...as fast as they should. Until then just enjoy those precious times you do meet amazing, interesting, captivating and life-changing people who change the way you see life in its entirety, yet perhaps currently walk different paths to you. The future is coming as fast as it can, I certainly hope that we cross paths once more.

x9