Saturday, 13 February 2010

My [Educational & Excellence] Pursuit...

This blog is one very different from the previous ones, in that it is (extremely) unconventional (much more than usual), but it is also another side of me that, somewhat sadly, most people do not know. I will admit that this blog will be of niche interest, but I wish to share it with those people who truly wish to understand a little more about what the hell I want to do in my life and why. In recent times I have realised that my work, and what I study is something that I rarely talk about in person. My studies have always been personal to me. What follows is a whistle stop tour of my educational background, some of if I admit is rather akin to 'blowing wind up my arse' and some just plain self-embarrassment . But a good friend of mine once told me that "whatever you do in life, you should always sell it". I guess to some degree this is my sell. The later part of the blog outlines my future intentions of study, which as I said, you may, or may not find interesting. Without any further adue, lets go!

My roots come from a quaint public school called St Faiths, of which I was, for all intensive purposes, an average pupil. At the age of 11, my mother made one of the biggest decisions in her life to send me to a state school. Her decision was primarily based on finances. I attended Cottenham Village College (CVC) of which was it was decisively average. Both schools could not be any further apart in terms of upbringing, background, expectation, opportunity and attitude. They were polar opposites, and I took a lot away from both. To illustrate this, Scott fondly tells a story of our first day at Cottenham Village College whereby I walked into school with a 'bowl' cut hairstyle and a brief case. Yes...a brief case. Social suicide, yes, but to me not having a briefcase at my previous school in itself was social suicide. As I said, polar opposites. I recall coming back from Cottenham in year 10 (15 years old) when my mum and I were discussing my likely GCSE grades results which were still pending at the time. Of which I expected, and was predicted a series of Bs and under. My mother being the savvy business women she is, along with her usually effective psychological ploys, gave me a proposition. She said ‘Mat if you get 5 As I will give you £500’. This was an empty proposition, in that she felt her money was well and truly safe. To be truthful, I also agreed. Thus by results day, I had practically forgot our little agreement. To my surprise my results were considerable better than I ever expected, and I made the quota mum had set. Rather admirably she kept her promise, and I brought my first laptop off my Nanna with the money, which I would use at Sixth Form. At secondary school I had no idea of what I wanted to do, and I honestly had no real ambition to go far in life. I had no idea what life was (I still don’t).I was very much the sheep in the flock, and subsequently went to Hills Road Sixth Form purely on the basis ‘it was the thing to do’. It is. My family, as a whole, are far more vocational in their pursuits. I know a number of labourers, plumbers, painters, electricians and so on. None of my extended family ever pursued the world of academia, and left as soon as it was legally possible. Therefore, I had no form of expectation, yet no form of instilled ambition. So when I went to sixth form I held a basic philosophy of ‘do what you enjoy’. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and thus the only form of rationale I could base my decision on was enjoyment. I asked myself what was the fundamental things I really enjoy. I studied what I enjoyed, Philosophy, Business Studies, Psychology, Media Studies and Physical Education. You know what... I loved it. The subjects to this day intrigue, interest and enthral me constantly, and I would have words with anyone who thinks otherwise ;).The decision of university very much took a similar rational. If the decision of 4 out of 25-30 subjects was hard enough, the decision of over 120 universities with countless courses was a far greater one. I stuck, rather naively perhaps, to the same philosophy of what I enjoy. I loved Physical Education and I loved Business more than anything, and on paper I was pretty good at both. I chose to go to Loughborough University and read BSc in Sports and Leisure Management (Phyiscal Education and Business).What I studied, and still continue to study is often misunderstood. It is an interdisciplinary course primarily drawing on the principles of business such as economics, law, human resources, finance and accounting ,marketing, strategic management and so on, in addition to more broader disciplines such as sociology, psychology and policy which we often dabble in. People often think of you as a ‘sports scientist’, of which is incorrect. I study business. It just happens that my business course is rather interesting, and tailored by applying business theory to an industry. I do not intend to run Greens Health and Fitness, nor do I run around a field.

Once I had finished by BSc, and narrowly missing out of a 1:0 Class degree (I tried, I really did), I was the 2nd in my entire extended family to achieve a degree qualification of any kind. Of which I must note my awesome older cousin Nicola Boak, who I believe very much pioneered and paved the way. I took and take a lot of confidence from her. She studied Equine Management at Cirencester, and did very well, of which I admire her for greatly, more than I ever could say and more than she ever realises.

The plot thickens when I applied to do a PhD the following academic year on a whim. It was in July when I saw the advertisement for a PhD at Sheffield Hallam, looking at Sport Policy. I would have ignored it, hadn’t it been due to a combination of a perfect fit of my own academic interests, which I had developed over the year from my dissertational research and one very interesting module entitled ‘Sport Policy Analysis’ (SPA for the cool kids), and one inspirational man, Dr Mick Green who changed my life. Dr Mick Green was a Senior Lecturer at the Institute of Sport and Leisure Policy at Loughborough University. He had taught me for a couple of my first year modules, and I chose him as my supervisor for my final year project. Partly because of his ingenious ability to lecture very complex ideas in the simplest of ways possible and do it in the most confident, critical yet convincing manner. But also because he had helped me through a tough time as my personal tutor when my dad died. Back on track now, so I applied for this PhD over the summer whilst working a full time job at OCR examinations board as a data capturer (a story for another day). The PhD application required you to write a 1500-2000 word proposal of what you intended to do. It was like a huge assignment. I would come back from work on one computer, and start on another writing the proposal. I had begun the job almost immediately after my exams, so thus whilst everyone else, rather understandably, was chilling out and going out, still staying in Loughborough, I had moved home, acquired a job, and tried to fit in a proposal of research. I had never done something so demanding as working a full time job, let alone a full time job with essentially excess homework. After I had finished and sent off all the documentation, I had built up a desire to succeed. I had massively worked to achieve a finished application, so by the time the interview came around I was determined to see it through. Of the 15 applicants, 5 got interviewed. Of the 5 interviewed, I came 2nd. I came 2nd to an academic with a MSc in Sport Management, from Loughborough. My feedback was extremely positive (and lengthy, approx 20 minutes long over the phone). They said that on paper, my application was the stand out application, of which they were highly interested, but for them I was considered ‘more of a risk factor’ due to not obtaining a MSc. I accepted, and took on board their comments. Interestingly, despite losing out, I came away from the whole experience, extremely determined and motivated. I had beaten 14 other applicants, presumably all of which has MSc’s, and had been told that my proposal was very strong and that the work I had produced was of ‘an extremely high calibre’.Which was a very positive and humbling statement from an established academic. Unbeknown to Sheffield, I had applied for the MSc in Sport Management at Loughborough University prior as a contingency plan. In fact I had done it way before the summer on the basis that I had no idea what i wanted to do post undergraduate. It was after this experience that for the first time I my life, I knew what I wanted to do. I had drive, I had ambition and I had a goal, and I had the means. I am now half way through my MSc in Sport Management, and this year I have already applied to four universities for conducting a PhD. Two in Canada (Alberta and Edmonton), and two in the UK (Uclan and Stirling), hopefully there will be a few more in the pipeline. The proposal I have given is practically unchanged from the one I gave to Sheffield. So I say role on next year, I can’t wait for it. For those who are a little interested, or perhaps curious. Below is that proposal. This is what I am extremely, but intrinsically passionate about, and wish to share with you, even in blog form. It is what I intend to spend four years of my life studying, studying for the sake of studying. I have no idea where it will lead me afterwards, and to be honest I think it matters not. PhDs shouldn’t necessarily be a means to an ends, but an ends in itself. I cannot think of anything more pure, more personal than the conduction of a PhD, proposed and carried out by you over a substantial period of time. I would love and welcome any feedback or just thoughts on it....

This is what I want to do for four years of my life...



The Pursuit of Performance Excellence through Policy: An analysis of the relationship between UK Sport and the Priority National Governing Bodies of Sport


By Mr Mathew Dowling


Statement of Aims & Objectives:



i) To review and analyse the developments in sports policy which have led to funding prioritisation of the current five National Governing Bodies (henceforth NGBs)

ii) To examine the changes in funding patterns and the conditions for grant funding to NGBs

iii) To analyse the impact these funding conditions have on the functioning and organisation of the priority NGBs


1. Introduction



UK Sport recently announced its funding for the current quadrennial period leading up to the London 2012 Olympics, with a clear indication of its sporting priorities. The most heavily invested sports include Athletics (£25,110,900), Sailing (£23,389,800), Rowing (£27,470,000), cycling (£26,922,700) and Swimming (£25,606,000). Thus of the total UK Sport funding equating to £256,588,649 of tax payers money, this oligopolistic cohort pertains a healthy 40.1% share (UK Sport, 2009). The research proposed seeks to examine this continual shift towards a systemic and ever increasing funding prioritisation of the five main priority sports (National Audit Office, 2003; UK Sport, 2009) and to analyse what effect this ‘resource dependency’ (Lukes, 1974) on Government, namely UK Sport, has had on their respective structures.

The project will primarily draw upon and incorporate a plethora of elite sports policy literature, but will be founded upon a combination of two key studies. The first is the joint initiative SPLISS (2004) and subsequent conceptual ‘SPLISS’ framework (Bosscher et al, 2006). The second of which is the seminal works of Green and Houlihan (2004; 2005). Moreover an analysis of UK Sport publications such as the ‘Guide to Income Generation for Governing bodies of Sport’ (2005) and the insightful ‘UK Sporting Preferences’ (2008) publication will also be examined. These are discussed in more depth within the main literature summary below.

To put the proposed research into its respective context, a quote from the SPLISS study (2004) concluded that “....the best predictor of output appears to be the absolute amount of funding allocated to elite sport” (p16) which more specifically referred to Pillar 1 with its framework. In Eastonain terms funding refers to the ‘input’ within the political arena (Easton, 1957), or economic injection (Downward, 2009). Yet despite this clear cut elite policy understanding of financial input and output of international success, namely at the Olympics, little is fully known about the qualitative implications this policy approach has on the organisational and structural make-up of these National Governing Bodies which deliver targets so diligently.

Moreover a considerable amount of research has focused on explaining what has led to elite sports development both nationally and internationally (Bosscher et al, 2006; Green & Houlihan, 2005; Green & Houlihan 2008, UKSport, 2004), yet little attention has been paid to the consequences and impacts of such approaches. The main exceptions have had a tendency towards ‘macro’ economical factors and event management (Baade & Matheson, 2002; Gratton et al, 2000; Gratton et al, 2005), or micro focused on athletes and/or coaches (Jowett & Lavallee, 2007; Lavallee & Wylleman, 2000). This research is derived from the growing consensus within sports policy literature that despite their utility in understanding elite sport policy “...macro-level factors such as population and GDP are becoming less accurate predictors of nations performance...”(Bosscher et al, 2006) and that a more valuable understanding of the policy-performance relationship lies within the ‘meso-level’ analysis (Green & Houlihan, 2005; p13).

2. Critical Summary of the Main Relevant Literature



What follows is an outline of the main literature which provided impetus for the research design and will be reviewed, analysed and drawn upon in detail throughout the proposed research development and its conduction. Analysis of these documents in addition to historical based literature, such as Houlihan (1997) and Houlihan & White (2002), should go some way in achieving objective i). For purposes of continuity this summary will be brief.

SPLISS (2004; 2006)

The primary research examined attempted to operationalize the Sporting Policy factors Leading to International Sporting Success (henceforth SPLISS) SPLISS was initially study by a consortium of researchers from Belgium, Netherlands and the UK, later expanded to include Canada Italy and Norway. A combined methodology of surveys to athletes, coaches and co-ordinators and semi-structured questionnaires sought to operationalize 9 pillars of factors leading to international success. The proposed research looks at the first of these pillars financial support in particular 1b) financial support to governing bodies. SPLISS (2004) states that “...where the UK appears to have its greatest advantage is in Pillar 1 “...this finding suggests that elite sport in the UK is funded considerably better than in other sample nations” (p11). Thus bringing to light the question of what are the consequences of huge injections on our sporting organisations? This research seeks to answer this question by examining the effect this ‘considerable’ financial support has had on NGBs by examining those who have received the greatest amount of funding.

GREEN & HOULIHAN (2005; 2008)



The work of Green & Houlihan will also be explored. The focus of which is policy development that has lead to our current state of affairs within elite sport by looking at two sports; Swimming and Track and Field Athletics, along with their respective NGBs, across two countries Canada and the UK (Green & Houlihan, 2004).This cross-cultural study was later expanded to include three NGBs across three countries with the inclusion of Sailing and Australia respectively (Green & Houlihan, 2005). Their most recent publication incorporates an ensemble of scholars and academics who contributed towards a cross-cultural analysis of policy development across nine different nations (Green & Houlihan, 2008). The proposed research will build on this existing literature, to examine in detail the sighted significant developments within elite sports policy, which has, and will continue to be, exasperated by the inherent ‘arms race’ phenomenon (Green & Houlihan, 2005).



CONCEPTUAL APPLICATIONS OF ELITE SPORTS POLICY



Moreover within policy literature many argue that a coalition dominance exists towards an elitist sports policy paradigm (Green & Houlihan, 2004; Parrish, 2003), such work is primarily derived from mainstream policy conceptualisations including the Advocacy Coalition Framework (ACF) by Sabatier (1988) and Kingdon’s (1995) Multiple Streams approach (MS) which purports a more anarchic approach to policy development. Within the research considerations will be made to these models and frameworks as explanations of how and why these changes in policy have occurred, and thus as plausible explanations for the change in NGBs. My dissertational work provides an illustration of this; in being able to explain HE Sports Sector policy changes through the MS conceptual framework.

UK SPORT (2005; 2008)



Other key supportive literature examined will be UK Sport publications over the past decade. These include a review and analysis of funding from UK Sport to attempt research objective ii) along with a qualitative documents including the ‘Guide to income generation for governing bodies of sport’ (2005) developed by UK Sport in conjunction with a number of ‘good examples of innovative practice’ (p2) such as Deloitte, Goodform, and the British Judo Association. Furthermore UK Sport commissioned a report in UK public sporting preferences pre and post Beijing Olympics (UK Sport, 2008). From which policy intentions and political priorities for NGBs can arguably be deduced, and thus merit significant attention within the literature analysis.

3. Methodology of Data Collection


The research methods purported are semi-structured interviews supported by a document analysis. Given that elite sports policy is ‘discursively constructed’ (Green, 2004), research into the area of elite sports policy “…would be better served by getting material which provides more in-depth insight into the topic, drawing on information provided by fewer informants” (Denscombe, 1998: p163)

By studying the five NGBs and UK Sport a ‘multiple case’ research design will be employed (Yin, 2003). Such analysis should elicit ‘focused comparisons’ (Green & Houlihan, 2005; p9) and reveal the intricacies of the UK Sport-Priority Sport relationship. According to May (1997) a case study approach “gain[s] a holistic understanding of a set of issues, and how they relate to a particular group or organisation...” (p97) with emphasizes on depth over breath, the particular rather than the general, process over outcome and the holistic over isolated (Denscombe,1998). Primary data from the interviews will be supported by secondary data in the form of document analysis, with emphasis on the funding pattern shifts since the establishment of the National Lottery and the ‘focusing event’ (Kingdon, 1995) of poor performance in Atlanta 1996 widely seen as the injection and impetus for the hegemony of elite sports policy in the UK (Green & Houlihan, 2004).

Semi-structured interviews will provide considerable in-depth material in an attempt to holistically gauge the complex organisational and policy processes between UK Sport and the priority NGBs. Interviews will be conducted using a ‘key informant’ sampling method (Allison et Al, 2006). Key Informants will be considered based on their involvement within and knowledge of the organisations, both at presently and historically. This is employed in an attempt to “...gain a more (agent) informed understanding of direction... [And] allow distinctions to be made between the ‘rhetoric’ and the ‘reality’...” (Green & Houlihan, 2005; p7). Interviews will then be transcribed and used as primary data to answer the main objectives outlined above, namely iii). Document analysis will provide an understanding of “...how different discourse structures the activity of actors and how they are produced, how they function, and how they have changed” (Howarth, 1995: p115), in this case reference will be made to UK Sport and the financial input structural change and the influence this has had on the priority NGB. Thus the two methods combined within its elite sports policy context should provide an insightful discourse for the future implications on NGBs of changing funding patterns (i.e. objective iv).

Monday, 8 February 2010

Valentineophobia & 'Cross-Pathing'

As we stand in the shadow of the impending St Valentines day, I write this blog for the romantics and the singletons out there. The later section is particularly written for those who are single because 'they have not found the right person' and admirably continue to do so...

OK, geeky little research background to valentines day that you might find a little interesting:

Valentines day, typically celebrated on the 14th February every year, around the Roman celebration of Lupercalia. Supposedly Valentines days origins go back to the Roman Empire, often cited around the reign of Claudias II. Claudius postulated that men that were single, were better soldiers if they did not marry, and thus marriage was frowned upon. The emperor found out that Saint Valentine was secretly helping young men and women in getting married, and sentenced Saint Valentine to death (bloody valentine indeed). Whilst in jail he gave his heart to the daughter of jailor and he wrote her a love note and ended it by writing " from your valentine". (not your typical commercialised card you might send today huh? Perhaps your next valentine is in fact writing from a cell)

Rather amusingly from my brief, yet sad, research I came across these gems which you might enjoy; below is a list of so-called phobias that one might experience around the practice of love, and which maybe especially symptomatic around valentines day:

* Ereuthrophobia - Fear of blushing
* Anthrophobia or Anthophobia - Fear of flowers.
* Obligaphobia - Fear of commitment. (genius)
* Zelophobia - Fear of jealousy.
* Philophobia - Fear of falling in love or being in love.
* Gamophobia - Fear of marriage. (anyone else read this as 'gameoverphobia')
* Philemaphobia or Philematophobia - Fear of kissing.
* Erotophobia - Fear of physical love.
* Hedonophobia - Fear of any kind of pleasure or having fun. (from Hedonism)
* Haphephobia - Fear of touching or being touched.
* Gynophobia - Fear of girls.
* Androphobia - Fear of men.

So, why the little history lesson, and why the psycho-analysis Dr Freud? Well, firstly I wanted to open you up to the idea that in fact valentines day not only has a rather grim and bloody (literally) origins (as do a lot of rituals if you think about it), and secondly that particularly if your likely to be alone on valentines day, at least you can laugh at the prospect that someone else, perhaps even in a relationship, might be experiencing a condition of which induces psychological and pathological episodes of fear, panic and unease (amusing thought, no?).

OK, by now I appreciate these sound like the words of a man who is most certainly spending valentines in his larry(or tod if you prefer), which is true. But like everything in life, I feel one should put a positive spin on anything, so... as I mentioned at the start, here is that very positive spin for the singletons. It begins with a quote from a truly remarkable episode I recently watched. It is quite literally a copy and paste from something I heard recently which really touched me in a girlie, lets get the ice cream, chocolate and tissues sort of way. I am a romantic, and the three girls I have dated over the years have all been extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary, even perhaps if I never really said it enough. So here goes:

"Stella then tells Ted how she once talked her way out of a speeding ticket. She was doing 90 on a country road, when a cop pulled her over and said, "Young lady, I have been waiting for you all day." Stella says she apologized to him. "I'm so sorry, officer -- I got here as fast as I could."

Ted laughs and says, "Really?" No, you doofus, it was joke, but Stella's point remains... Whoever "the one" for Ted is, she's out there, and she's on her way, and she's getting there "as fast as she can".

(How I met your mother series 4 episode 23 (Original Airdate: 11th May 2009))

When I heard this, I felt touched. Truly touched, and it is something that I wanted to share with the world. Hence the blog. Positivism should be shared, and when something or someone feels that something or someone is important or note worthy they should share it with people (nb: a case for every1 to start blogging, and also ironically one for every1 to send the one they like or love a valentine reminder that, that is the case).

I find it beautiful, beautiful imagery that indeed everyone has a person out there for them, and the fact that our lives all work and function independent of each other. I see life like a huge connection of roads all interweaving, interlinking, and crossing. I wrote and wrote about this idea when I was about 16. I called it 'cross-pathing'. I love the idea that we all have our own roads, and it is only a matter of time and circumstance that eventually we will cross-paths with someone.It is then we all make decisions, some huge, some minor, as to the relationship and closeness of those paths. If we choose to be friends, we occasionally cross. If we choose a relationship with another we effectively walk the same paths. If we split, as do our roads. Nice idea, no? Simple.

'As fast as she can', plays nicely into this in that not only is the likelyhood of you as a singleton, or a romantic to find that one person is actually nothing more than an inevitability rather than probability, but also there is this idea that in fact no matter what you do...there will be a time and a place for it. The time for things to go your way, and the time for you to effective walk the same paths will come. You cannot and should not try to hurry it. I think all too often we do that. We stay with people because we want to essentially 'fast-track' something that we should organically let happen. When really we should fall in and out of relationships like we do motorways, or sideroads. I know that one day, I will walk the same road as someone else, and I also know that, that girl of which I do walk hand in hand with, will be a truly remarkable woman. An amazing woman. I would love to follow that up with a common phrase of '...and I cant wait for it', but that is exactly it! You can, and you should. So for those on the highway hand in hand, and those who perhaps feel at times there path is long, lonely and narrow. Just remember that in fact that one person out there, is exactly that. They are out there, and they are coming as fast as they can, and do not threat as they will come...as fast as they should. Until then just enjoy those precious times you do meet amazing, interesting, captivating and life-changing people who change the way you see life in its entirety, yet perhaps currently walk different paths to you. The future is coming as fast as it can, I certainly hope that we cross paths once more.

x9

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Fun et al (2010)

In continual fashion of my current doctrine of 'fun', I feel its time for a bit of it. With recent circumstances et al (2009; 2010) I have thought about what makes me happy. More specifically the little things I do that, may seem random, but make me feel that little bit happier in life. Here are a few off the top of my head that you may relate to and ill try give you a few random samples of my own

- To turn music up full blast and sing along...
Music is a big part of my life. I rarely go through a day without spending hours listening to music, typically a small playlist of repeat. I don't know why, but I enjoy listening to the same song again and again, if its good, why not. I get a massive release from music, music should always reflect your mood or influence it for the better.

- To make a day dedicated to something you enjoy...
My favorite day of the year is the 5th November. Guy Fawkes night. I believe that everyone should have the right to a day of small self-indulgence. My day has little to no relevance to the gunpowder plot in 1605, just that I have a series of good memories on that day, and one of my favorite movies V for Vendetta is also based on the 5th November story. For me its just a positively associated day,of which im sure I will write about in due course. Thus I have officially made it my day for enjoyment. I have started a tradition whereby I write a list of 9 things to complete leading up to the day, and on that day I complete them all. Its surprisingly really good fun.

- To bake something...
Last christmas my little cousin and I made a GIANT barn totally made of gingerbread (see facebook pics for details). A genius idea was given to me by a uni friend of mine of making what she called 'chocolate junkyard', calorific death on a plate, but so so good! Moreover, not to stereotype, but I feel that baking is somewhat out of my gender domain, and thus its nice to feel you have conquered something that really...you shouldn't of done.

- To so something you shouldn't do...
Nothing makes you feel a little happier than a kick of adrenaline when you trespass on private property, or run naked down the street. Norwich in particular springs to mind (why is it always Norwich?) lol

- To do something spontaneous...
Two memories come to mind on this point. The first is meeting a beautiful girl I had been 'seeing' in Banbury. Neither one of us had been there, nor knew what was there. Random, random day. I loved it. The second was my joint 21st birthday in magaluf. I turned up to the airport blissfully unaware of where my friends where taking me, I got as far as the airport gate before three chavs walking past me wearing 'shagaluf' t-shirts. Yes that's right, I found out where I was going on my 21st due to the writing on the back of three chavs polo stash in the airport lounge. Awesome holiday (thanks guys)

- To sprint as hard and as fast as I can and then lie down on grass...
I did this once in Cambridge on castle hill, on a hot summers day and I have never felt more alive than that moment when you can feel the blood rushing around you body and your heart is like a drum, amazing.

- To sit in a bath first and then run the bath...
I used to do this as a kid all the time. I admit this is a little bit of regression, and rather childishly I enjoy splashing around 'as the tide rises' in a bath. Plus this wway you also get to regulate the temperature of the water better. Practical value and just fun!

- To sit in a bath sideways in a bath...
I recommend this, its really silly, but actually makes you feel good, because its so stupid. I also love that feeling when your in a hot bath and its cold outside, the bath feels just that little more awesome, TRY IT!

- To organise something, like a photo album or CD collection...
Occasionally I bring out the little OCD in me and organize something. Recently I organized a photo album of all photos of the barn and gave it to my mother as a Christmas present. I also got giving a photo album to put lots of university pictures I have accumulated over the years. You feel really good after it.

- Do a challenge...
To me life should be about challenges, no matter how small or big. Do it, why not? I once sat in a bar with a good friend of mine and discussed the possibility of cycling through France, a week later I had brought the maps and prepared my bicycle. People should always follow there ideas, I just wish I had more of them.

- To write (or receive) a letter...
Nothing beats the feeling of getting mail. My little cousin and I write to each other, she is my new pen-pal and she keeps my posted on all the important 'happenings' in Cambridge such as her Auntie buying her a hockey stick and the next day being whacked with it by an annoying classmate, and the latest gossip on the new names of her endless supply of rabbits.

- To copy a food idea...
None of like to believe that we are easily influenced, but I certainly admit that when it comes to food, I am. I oddly enjoy seeing someone else eat or drink something and then the next day purchasing that item for myself ah ha ha! This also how the wonderful world of sushi came into my life, I love it.

People should firstly have more fun, and secondly think about what makes them happy. People far too often think about what makes them sad, rather than what makes them happy. What makes you happy?

x9

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Pineapple Philosophy

Pineapple Philosophy ~ In recent times some of my friends, and people around me more generally have gone through hard times, this blog and my words are inspired from, and written for those people who I care about most, and mean a lot to me. Often I never know what to say and/or say the wrong thing. Hopefully this written articulation will get somewhat closer to what I cannot, but should say in recent times.

I have come to realize, over my relatively short life-span to date, that life throws all sort of things at you. These things can be good or bad, sometimes they are nice and sometimes they are horrible. More often than not they are unplanned but some are indeed planned. We can only play the guessing of who, what and when. By that I don't mean Reverend Green, in the Study, with a Wrench (although I do feel at times that life can scarily be akin to a game of Cluedo...or perhaps monopoly hmmm). What I mean is essentially the deep understanding of, I will quote from Confucius (or was is Plato?) who once inspired simplicity and clarity in our thinking. The one quote which no matter what situation, how old, how too far gone, how deep you may feel under. The quote that when said, people all turn to each other with an inner belief that, yes its so so true. In fact, I bet that no matter who reads this will disagree with the quote, and clearly if you do, I'm afraid you live in bubble-wrap, cotton wooled world, with your fingers in your ears and your eyes firmly blindfolded.(sheltered in a nutshell- the irony in that phrase lol) Without any further rhetoric and successful suspense building, and extreme gilding the Lilly, I of course refer to the universally understood expression of:

'Shit happens'

Ok...so perhaps it wasn't quite Socrates or Artistotle worthy, but nonetheless what I love about the phrase is how much it has transversed popular language, and popular culture. You can buy car stickers, posters, mouse mats (thought: what ever happened to the common mouse mat? did mice just get used to our desktops...anyway tangent), I have even seen mugs with it on. On countless occasions I have verbally heard the expression, and if one was to take a sit back and contemplate its pure genius for one second. Consider your life, consider the times where no greater phrase could sum up your countless scenarios....true no?


Now, I want to tell you two stories about my life, both of which I warn, are random. The first is about a pineapple. Within an episode 10 Series 1 How I met Your Mother entitled 'The Pineapple Incident', a scenario occurs whereby the main character Ted wakes up next to a random pineapple after a drunk night out. He has no recollection of why or how it got there, and sadly it is never explained (part of the genius). I tell you this story, not because I am further plugging the genius that is HIMYM, but because it inspired a present a give to one of my friends, whose birthday it was around the time. That combined with my typical student lifestyle of all play and NO money, I thought it was an apt present. When I gave it to her, at first she was really confused, and then found it highly amusing, and in the end became proud of her unique, yet odd present for her birthday which she fondly recalls to this day.The story goes on, the genius behind this story came from her later on, when Christmas this year came around. Surely enough, she batted back the 'odd' present and gave me a coconut and a pomegranate, genius.

The second story is a little more retrospective and heavy. 3 years ago I travelled half-way around the world to 'THE' most remote Caribbean island of Tortola, its within the British Islands, north-Caribbean. When I arrived I met a man who I didn't know. He was, for all intensive purposes, a stranger to me, and to this day I still consider him a stranger. I then proceeded to spend two weeks on a 30 foot sailing boat in a lagoon, and I slept on deck under the open stars for two weeks on this stranger boat. I then left and two ferries, a jeep, a propeller plane,a boeing 474 and two taxi rides later I arrived home. 5 months or so later I met the same man in the ICU unit back in Cambridge hospital, Addenbrookes. Of those who don't know Cambridge is my home town. That man, as you may have guessed was not well, and in fact was dying. Slowly. He had advanced cancer in the bowel, with moved to his stomach, kidney and liver. 6 months, two operations and a dose of MRSA later he died in a retirement home at the age of 55 years old next to an aquarium, a stark difference from the boat I had once visited. The stranger was, by the way, my father.

All in all one odd and one sad story I think most will agree. You may also be wondering what these stories have in common, well sticking to our basic philosophy of 'Shit happens, right?' Well don't forget shit can be good as well as bad as we discussed in the introduction. What makes life all that interesting, and all that random, and all that inspiring is how we deal and how we learn from situations, no matter how simplistic and trivial (pineapple) and severe (my father). These all influence us and others around us. It moulds us into experienced individuals. Some for the better and sadly some for the worse. Its true things to happen in life, and rightly or wrongly, it is not for us to decide what happens, or how is happens, how much or little of something happens, no. No, none of that is in our control. What we control is us. So next time anything at all influences or happens in your life. Take it positively, and know that somehow, if you chose to, your are a better person for it. Let the trivial stuff be fun and free and let the deeper, often shitty stuff not get to you. It happens. That is why I believe life should be more random. More like the pineapple incident. So enjoy it :) x9

Thursday, 28 January 2010

Hot Chocolate & Revision Syndrome

The evening is drawing in, and tomorrow I start my first exam, of three this January series. As a MSc student, by now I should be well accustomed to the ways and means of which to survive the, what I can only articulate as, 'revision syndrome'. Those who know me well, or hang around in close proximity have probably already hear me talk about this idea. For those a little more unfamiliar with the idea I shall indulge, whilst I of course indulge in a beautiful hot chocolate, of which I will come back to, and explain further later on.

'Revision Syndrome' is a commonality amongst students, who take exams (sorry Bos, Simon, Scott and Matt to mention a few of whom this doesn't apply to, b******s) whereby your day consists of getting up, very slowly, normally around 9am-11am, grabbing your typical breakfast, if you can be bothered. For those closer to 11am, you decide that screw it you'll wait until lunchtime to justify breakfast, you perhaps stick on a little tv. If your feeling particularly intellectual you'll stick on a little BBC news, sky news if your a douche, if not, you scroll to see the other random crap that's on, typically Jeremy Kyle or repeats of something or rather, and somehow take some comfort in the fact that, yes someone else is more stupid, and less intellectual than you, and/or moreover someone has a more f***ed up family life, than the complex and crazy one you posses. Eventually you feel guilty at the amount of time you have wasted for the morning and consider revising. You force yourself to either go to the library (for those more 'social' revisers), or you stay at home. The home has an unwritten rule that most adhere to, some don't get it, and it pisses me off, that if a door is open, it means you want people to come distract you and be social. This is of mutual benefit as they also secretly desire and wish the same procrastination method. But if you actually wish to get some work done you close yourself in your room, with door firmly shut, forcing your housemates to feel that little bit more guilty, and question further whether the conversation merits any particular value of which to go through the process of knocking, and the formality of asking 'what you doing? etc etc.

You do an hour, maybe two depending on what time you started, by which point, the greatest procrastination hits home...lunchtime, you know that no revision, no matter how important can argue with the basic human right to food and proceed to spend as long as possible cooking lunch, during lunch, you can then watch more tv, either more of the same or something which justifies a small space in time, like a series or episode. I normally take HIMYM (a godly programme for those who haven't seen it, and for those who have...need I say more).

You then proceed to do more revision and the process repeats itself around dinner, by which after 5pm/6pm, you might do some revision, but if you don't its OK, because it does not consistute the 'typical working day' and thus is morally acceptable if you don't. Ironic considering that if you were truly honest you certainly didn't get up for a 'typical working day', but that was hours ago and hours revision have proceeded since then.

Ok, so this brings us to the ultimate symptom of revision syndrome, whereby, at any point throughout your day (namely the procrastination points), and through a variety of mediums (text, phone, skype, facebook message, facebook chat, email, or even a 'coffee catch-up', if your a bit of a girl like me) someone asks you the doomed question, that when asked, all your feelings and emotions just explode, and you cant help but let go of everything and burst out with pure, and utter brutal honesty, that when you look back at it post-exams, you think, 'god I was a douche back then', that question haunts you like a bad dream, day and day, it may even happen to you again, and again... and again. That question is....:


'What you been up to?'

You search your mind, hard and deep, you explore every possible answer, your try to articulate something that would inspire the weak, change the world. Yet all you can produce is... the truth... the truth about how you feel, you reply:

'To be honest.... nothing'

And you can't think of anything! Absolutely nothing! you did the same thing today, and you did yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. The worst part about it, is that you know its also the same thing as you will do tomorrow. Revision to you seems just a endless loop, and bad version, of that REALLY bad movie 'groundhog' day, just around and around. You feel somehow that you are boring, and to be honest... you are. Temporarily of course (you hope).

So what about that hot chocolate you mentioned earlier mat? (rhetorical question), well. If it really is a syndrome, then my particular remedy to revision, and indeed similar syndromes (think about it...there are a few), I prescribe something within your daily routine that reminds you that life will always be sweeter (in my case...literally...sweeter). My cousin got me a tub of Whittards Hot Chocolate, it was the gold praline one, and its amazing! I know its only hot chocolate, and you would be justified at this point to think 'what the ****, this is mental. But actually there is a truth to having something, no matter how small that is in your life, that... that just makes you feel that little bit happier. It is not there because I need it, I don't need it to study, its not a cigarette, nor is it paper or pen. But, it makes me happy...so like any utility maximizer, I have 3 more, now with a collection of four tubs of hot chocolate sat with my Costa mug(yes I 'acquired' a mug, don't judge). One praline, one original luxury, one caramel and a white chocolate! Actually amazing. I find it a great antidote for revision syndrome, it makes me smile and happy, reminding me that life can be so sweet at times, it can give me toothache.

Ive just finished my mug, and the other side of the yard arm holds a 9am exam on economics, so I wish you good night

x9

Monday, 25 January 2010

A Timely Reminder...

.................x9

I know it has been a while since my last blog, and it seems a small mix of nostalgia and inspiration has lead me to search frivolously for my user name and password for the google blog. I have decided once again to indulge into my thoughts and share them, mainly for an audience of one...and indeed this person will know who I am talking about.


Since my last blog, time has flown, our environment has changed. New friends appear, old friends reappear, only to disappear again. I have moved house (twice), I have uprooted my urban philosophy and enlightened myself into a rural environment,I have enrolled in a new MSc course, I am now single, a disposition which I find somewhat untimely (as they always are), and unsavory. For all intensive purposes, with the exception of a few fixed constants, everything else has become a variable.

This leads me to the point and direction of the blog. Although I accept, and almost admit my life is in a state of flux. I find in same time my thoughts are many, they are very frequent (all too frequent), and interestingly...happy. A month ago, my thoughts were filled with a combination of doubt, self-confusion, fear, disillusionment, and discontent. Of which I must confess a lot was self-inflicted, now I see direction, despite the fact I cannot see around the corner, I know that whatever I face, it does not matter, I will be content.

My thoughts in recently times have become an intense series of questions about my future life, and where I will be, even by the end of this year, what do I really want in life? what is important for me? And perhaps often not considered by a lot of people is, regardless of what I want, and whats important, what is really good for someone. Whilst I indulge in such almost irrelevant and crystal balling, I find myself often reflecting on the opposite end of the spectrum, which surprisingly is not something I do often. I think of old memories I had, for all intensive purposes forgotten about.

Today I remembered two things, firstly I remembered a time, I had forgotten. It was when I was in Antigua, on a beach, the night before I met my dad for the first time. The events that followed had been so extreme, so imprinting on my mind I had almost entirely forgotten about, what I can only describe as an amazing day and night, somewhere so cliche, yet so beautiful, and so so calming. The second memory I remembered, involved the greatest combination of items one could possibly possess (although I admit this could easily be contestable)Drumstick bars, maltesers and golden eye. It was this memory that led me back here on this seemingly ordinary night, under seemingly ordinary circumstances.

I wanted to have a timely reminder, and as an important girl said to me once (para-phrased and with added rhetorical value) 'although I'm not around, it is not the time I spend with you that resonates, but the value in which I place, and the influence that a person has on you'. This is a truism, and one I hold dearly. A lot of people have influenced my life, in ways I thought unimaginable, in the matter of days, minutes, seconds even. By very nature, those people sit in a time and memory in my past, but they are not forgotten in present. I have learnt in recent times, that people are only important to you, if you believe they are important. Sounds stupid right? Well, no, the smallest most insignificant thing can be important to you, if you found it to be important. The value of something is the very value you put on it.

I have learnt that, and I feel that there are times whereby we should reflect and remind ourselves, that although our lives are different. Although we all walk different paths, often in self-interest, self-spontaneity and self-ignorance, that people, times and places should not be forgotten, and in fact they are not forgotten, but we take them forward along the way and they comfort us, they inspire us, and one day you will look back and say wow, 'look how far we have come! Yet how amazing that journey was, and thank you so much for being apart of that. A cliche phrase which I will never forget, and I am beginning to only understand is that 'it is not about the ends, but the journey'


So until next time...until we cross-paths again, which we unquestionably will, until anon

x9